Hey it’s Summer. I’ve got good news for you: cute animals.
Regular readers may be familiar with How to Paint Everything, Goonhammer’s regular painting guides. We even ran a Pets of Warhammer special once about painting critters and creatures. What most readers don’t know is that Goonhammer’s Discord has an entire channel dedicated to animal cuteposting. Fine people at the $5 Patreon tier get Discord access and are able to see a live feed of Goonhammer pets and post their own.
That channel is appropriately titled how-to-pet-everything, and is the subject of today’s post. I mean, I’m supposed to use this slot to promote Goonhammer’s Patreon and raise funds for author payouts and website upkeep. But I also get to exercise discretion so we’re gonna have a pet show. No prizes or judging – just adorableness.
How to Pet Everything
Vre’Kais’ wife named their cats. Tyrah is named for the Tyranids and Tau is clearly named for an obscure Khornate cult.
Faye is a good baby who naps perches on her favourite couch spot most of the time. Her coat has a lovely sheen, and her head is filled with happy dreams.
Astarte was adopted from a trash can by Trazyn’s Gift Shop Worker. It’s a miracle that Trazyn let them keep the little rascal, but here we are.
Echo will have you know that she is a lady and would like to be treated as such. She is apparently the loveliest, softest creature except when she’s SCREAMING.
Lena (may she rest in peace) was a delightful dog. Towards the end of her life, she was blind. Not to be daunted by this, she left noseprints on walls across the house while she navigated.
Simba draws his ancestry from vultures, being an expert scavenger. He possesses a single brain cell and its activation is visible in his body language.
I was told that Dylan is a regular-sized cat, but quite furry. I have yet to verify this and I am skeptical.
Finn is a cheerful and good dog with numerous accomplishments like being president of his doggie daycare and loving his favourite pickle toy. Good job, you handsome devil.
The Lahsbee household possesses numerous cats, two of which are snuggling above.
George is the resident flufflebutt.
Benji has claimed this box. Trespassers will be scratched.
Nigel enjoys soaking up sunlight. Cats ordinarily love to keep warm.
Oliver poses for a picture. I couldn’t identify the toy, so tell me in the comments what it looks like!
Pebbles is a ruthlessly photogenic little sweetheart and would like to nap now, thanks.
Conclusion
So um, yeah.
A big thanks to all of the darling people on Discord who answered my call to participate in this silliness. If you’re on our Discord, that means you’re doing more than your bit to make Goonhammer the great site it is. If you’re not on Discord and want to see the real time version of How to Pet Everything, then please pick up our Patreon at the five buck level. We’ll attend to you in no time whatsoever so that you too can join the finest channel in wargaming.
Have any questions or feedback? Drop us a note in the comments below or email us at contact@goonhammer.com.
