THE BROS ARE BACK much to everyone’s surprise. Battle Bros is an ongoing bi-weekly column where Drew (PantsOptional) taught his brother Chris (head58) how to play Warhammer 40,000 and now they’ve stumbled into a Combat Patrol tournament. Catch up on their past adventures here.
Meet the Battle Bros
Chris
The older of the two brothers, unsure of the road ahead.
Drew
The younger brother, overconfident in his “knowledge” of what is to come.
DREW: Maybe you noticed this in the last installment, maybe you didn’t, but my army wasn’t fully painted when we had our test games. The model I showed you earlier was the test case, a Sergeant painted up so I could take photos and make sure everything worked right. The rest of the army was still at the “chunky highlights” stage and I still needed to clean those up, fix any errors, and apply varnishes and transfers.
Sure I had a few weeks to do it but not only was I trying to launch my very first Crusade campaign for the store, a little game called Space Marine 2 had the audacity to drop around that time and my Habby Pragress time disappeared more quickly than I cared for under a soft and fluffy blanket called “no self-control”. In other words, I couldn’t Warhammer because I was too busy Warhammering. Whatever. It was done eventually and with a whole three days to spare. I did great.
CHRIS: I had, somehow, managed to finish my painting but wasn’t happy with my basing. I was planning to do a rock and snow thing but it just looked half-assed. Also you were doing ice and the Code of the Bros means we cannot do the same thing. So I drybrushed my Armageddon Earth, and washed it, and drybrushed it again, but still wasn’t happy. I put some grit down but due to the amount of whitish material it ended up looking too much like kitty litter. More washing and drybrushing. Finally you suggested drybrushing with a shade lighter than I normally would reach for, and by god if you weren’t right. It didn’t look like complete ass. I slapped on some rocks which I painted up to look like crystals or something and you know what, I didn’t completely hate it – which for me is saying something.
Also in the intervening weeks I got in a couple of practice games against Josh. I lost both, sure, but each one was a little closer than the last. And I started to feel like I might have the slightest clue how to operate this mini-army. Pure delusion, of course, the only way I even scored double digits was Josh’s customary abysmal rolling. Dice just hate that man.
DREW: I’ll part the curtain here just for a moment and reveal that we have pre-written this pre-tournament of the article, primarily because our submission deadline is less than 24 hours after we finish the tournament and we will have to write like 1970s Stephen King to push this thing out in time. Maybe a little less cocaine but no guarantees. Anyway, as Past Drew I want to put down an estimate here and say I am going to walk out of this with a 1-2 record and most of the performance will be on the strength of the Space Wolves ComPat box itself and not “skill”. I might squeak out a 2-1 if my dice run hot. What about you?
CHRIS: Oh, I am under no delusions I’m going to go anything other than 0-3. Lack of skill and shit box FTL. I’ve made some Personal Goals for myself though, and will consider it a win in every way other than actually winning if I accomplish any of these in any game: keeping at least one Pioneer on the board past round 1, Actually making it to the end of round 5 with models left on the table, and killing the enemy warlord. That last one is a huge stretch but while I’m dreaming I may as well dream big. Nothing bad ever came of hoping for good things, right?
DREW: Finally it came down to the Big Day. We fortified ourselves from the nearby old-school donut shop and braced for the worst. In the interest of keeping this column under 6k words we won’t fully lay out every moment of all six games but we will go into a little more detail than I normally use. We’ll also lay out the basic rules of each mission but if you want to sing along you can read the full Combat Patrol rules.
Mission One: Archeotech Recovery [Recover Archeotech]
All of these are relatively straightforward missions, so just assume we’ve already said that for each one and everything will go nice and smooth. Archeotech Recovery starts with five objective markers but starting on round three we will randomly determine which of the three No Man’s Land markers disappears at the start of the next turn, and on round four the process repeats itself. Whoever holds the final No Man’s Land marker at the end of the game earns ten additional VP.
Drew
My opponent for this round was Matt who ran the Chaos Daemons box. It’s a wholly Khornate force and while you might be tempted to say it doesn’t require much thinking, he definitely had some Cunning Plans which stood a real chance of pissing in my Cheerios as evidenced by holding both his units of Bloodletters in Reserve to Deep Strike them. I was a little worried about this but figured this gave me the first round to deal with his Bloodcrushers and Flesh Hounds. At about five times in this battle I completely lost track of the unit names since most of them are “Blood” something or other and I still have to look up the unit name for his Warlord. GW, I know you got a theme but stop taking notes from my 7th grade D&D notebook. In any event I needed to gunline these things down before they become a real problem so I’d ideally go second and force them to come to me.
I’m going First.
Well, shit. Change of plans: time to go aggro. After a quick Scout move to close some distance I Advanced everyone but the Invictor and got my grubby little Intercessors on some objective markers. I pinged a few good shots off on the Bloodcrushers, whittling them down.
On his turn he responded by doing the only thing he could really do, running up the field to challenge the Wolves. This was when I saw an opportunity which I think was crucial. He declared a charge on my Reivers with his Flesh Hounds and one on my Invictor with his Bloodcrushers, resolving the Flesh Hounds charge first which put them within six inches of the Invictor. I immediately Heroic Interventioned the Invictor over to join the party, which gave me just enough distance from the Bloodcrushers to avoid their charge. You can imagine how it went for the Flesh Hounds after they barely dented the Reivers.
I don’t remember my second turn exceptionally well but I remember his because that’s when the Bloodletter bombs teleported onto my backfield objectives with the intention of charging the midfield. Unfortunately the nine inch charge only has about a 28% chance of succeeding and so they sat there unable to do anything else.
The rest of the match pretty much followed from there as I ended up doubling back to deal with them, leaving a sole Intercessors squad to take the forward objective. I was pretty worried that the Bloodletters would carve a hole in the Intercessors and Reivers which I sent to deal with them but Matt chose to focus on the Intercessors in the hope of scoring his Secondary Objective of killing my Warlord, while my Reivers were able to directly pour wounds from Precision weapons onto his… Bloodmaster? Bloodkeeper? Wait, I was right the first time? Huh. Sometimes you luck out.
Anyway, with the Bloodmaster gone the rest of the unit crumbled pretty quickly and I stared in amazement at the notion that Reivers could do something. Don’t worry, this pattern won’t hold. By the end of the match I had mopped up pretty much everything and ended up with control of the last objective which sealed the deal.
Drew Result: 68-20, Victory
Chris
My first game was against Nathan and his Adeptus Sororitas Combat Patrol. Never played against Sisters before so this would be educational. The first problem was that there are two Sisters ComPat boxes and Tabletop Battles only had the other one. This was Sanctuary Guardians which has a Cannoness leading a full 10 model unit of Battle Sisters, a five model unit of Sacresants, and ten Arco-flagellants. That’s a lot of melee stuff, plus an exciting blob of Battleline which has a flamer, a heavy flamer, and the ability to reroll all Hit rolls on their boltguns. Plus the Miracle Dice mechanic which I never quite figured out.
I’m going Second.
I made two big mistakes in this game: first, I should have split my Hearthkyn Warriors into two units. Both of them being Battleline and thus sticky on objectives might have helped me hold onto a couple for longer. Also maybe it would have made Nathan have to work a little harder with those flamers to wipe out the whole bunch of them.
My second mistake was I zigged when I should have zagged. I sent my Warriors up the right side of the board toward an objective (which then went away on turn 4 so would not have been worth it anyway) and hid them behind a building, while I tried to send my Pioneers across the middle to reinforce my Beserks. The bikes really should have been on the edge, so I could use their uppy-downy and pop them in on his back line to grab his home objective. I have no idea what I was thinking here but the result was that I fed the bikes and the Beserks to him while my entire blob of Warriors was behind a building and unable to shoot for a whole round. By the time they came back around the Pioneers and Beserks had been mostly mopped up and they could focus their effort on the Warriors. Dumb.
Personal Goals: one of the Pioneers survived into round 3 and even tanked a charge from the Arco-flagellants. I was so proud of him! I also made it to round 5, with only my Kahl and Theyn left on the table. These minor victories were offset however by the fact that I played like a fucking idiot.
Chris Result: 35-57, Loss
Mission Two: Clash of Patrols [Take and Hold]
Of the Combat Patrol Missions, this one notably the only one in which you deploy along the long table edge, which made things a little awkward since we were playing two sets of players to every table. The Mission Rule, Retrieve Intelligence, funnels one Command Point to each player in their Command Phase so long as they control an objective which really just means one free Command Point every turn after the first one.
Drew
I’ll put a mild spoiler here: this may have been the stupidest battle I played all day and I say this with complete affection. Things went all over the place in this game. At multiple points throughout the battle each of us thought we were fucking done for and yet somehow we stuck it out to the end. This game was against Steve and the Thousand Sons and I was a little unsure of their capabilities in this game mode although the fact that half of the units in the box are Tzaangors means I don’t have to think about it too hard since even the folks running those ComPats know they’re chaff.
I’m going Second.
What a goddamn bloodbath. I rampaged through those Tzaangors on the first turn after he blew my Reivers off the board with his Terminators and made it look like he didn’t even try to do it. The long side deployment really meant we were up in each other’s faces immediately and it got ugly fast.
With the Tzaangors out of the way I was able to turn the Invictor’s attention toward the Scarab Occult Terminators and we were both surprised when he mulched all but one of them. This is when Steve told me he thought I had just won and with only two Thousand Sons models on the battlefield it certainly seemed likely.
The surviving Scarab Occult Terminator refused to suffer the same fate as his brethren, pushing into my Intercessors and Lieutenant after popping the Invictor, tying them up for the rest of the match. In the meantime the Infernal Master ran up the other side of the table snatching up the other squad of Intercessors. This is about the point when I thought I was totally and utterly boned; I had scored a bunch already but not as much as I had hoped.
Eventually he looped his Infernal Master around the table, Fell Back with his Scarab Occult Sorcerer, and blasted my ass with magic. This left me with a combination of what the Badcast calls the “Regent’s Victory” and the “Reverse McLaughlin”, in which I won despite being tabled solely because my models were painted and Steve’s weren’t. Having painted Thousand Sons in the past, I can’t really begrudge him that at all.
Drew Result: 35-29, Victory
Chris
Round 2 was against Jericho, who got the Blood Angels patrol box, but boldly painted them in the red and blue quartered pattern of the Brazen Claws (an Iron Hands successor, so I have nothing but respect) or alternately Peter Cannon…Thunderbolt! if you’re a dusty old mummy of a comics nerd like me. I’d seen a picture of Jericho’s patrol a couple days ahead of the tournament and remarked to Drew I was somewhat fearful of the force. My kin’s record against Intercessors was not great, and Librarian Marcellos (tarantella intensifies) giving them a 4+ Invuln plus the Incursors making it even easier for them to hit? Oh, and Aggressors, who I knew would rip through my squats like butter if they got close enough. Drew poo-pooed my concerns but I will point out he’s the one rocking Marines.
I’m going Second.
It turned out my fears were justified as Jericho went first and promptly deleted my Warriors unit. His dice were aflame, and with the scenario using the long edge for deployment there really wasn’t any terrain oriented properly to hide behind. The Theyn and Kahl survived, but, yeah. Not a ton I could do to come back from that even if I had the skill to do so.
The Beserks did live the dream and charged into the Intercessors …and then promptly got Heroic Interventionated by the Aggressors. I should have just focused down the Aggressors but I stupidly split my attacks between the two units and ended up removing one Aggressor and a couple Intercessors rather than (possibly) the entire block of the scary bad touch Gravis boys.
On the other side of the table my Pioneers contested an objective and at least kept Jericho from scoring it for a turn so to paraphrase the immortal words of Dr. Zoidberg, “hooray, they were helping?”
No need to go on, everything was mopped up and done by the top of three.
Personal Achievements: again, a Pioneer lasted fully into round three before the Incursors plinked it to death. Oh, and did you know the Icarus missiles from the Impulsor turn out to be good against things with Fly? Also the deeply satisfying personal victory of Jericho apologizing to me all day for the top of turn one massacre. I honestly didn’t feel salty about it at all – dice happen – but having your opponent feel no joy in their war crimes brings a level of satisfaction.
Chris Result: 60-19, Loss
Mission Three: Sweeping Raid [Priority Targets]
We’re back to short-side deployment in a mission which rewards you at the end for holding objectives further away from your deployment zone. The Mission Rule for this one, Supply Lines, grants each player a Command Point on a 4+ so long as they control the objective in their Deployment Zone.
Chris
My last round paired me against Matt, whose Chaos Demons Drew faced in the first round. Congratulations, Matt, on being the meat in a Battle Bros sandwich.
DREW: You can’t just say this sort of thing in this column. You know what kinda sickos we got reading this.
CHRIS: Like (Borat Voice) your wife? Anyway, Matt followed the same basic plan here as he did against Drew: hold the two units of Bloodletters in reserve and move one unit of Flesh Hounds and the Blood Crushers up to where they can charge shit. He camped his other unit of Flesh Hounds back on his deployment objective and never moved them all game. I went up the middle with my blob of Warriors, with the Beserks on the flank facing the Blood Crushers and my Pioneers on the other side. My hope was to hold back and be able to be the charger rather than the chargee. This was not to be – I grossly underestimated how fast his stuff was.
I chewed up the Hounds pretty well but for some reason decided to play the scenario and try to hold my Toil Earns secondary with the Beserks rather than going all in and charging at the Blood Crushers. So that ended up not going well. Then on round two every Bloodletter in the universe popped onto the board. One unit in my deployment zone threatening my Warriors, one in his threatening my sole remaining Pioneer (which had been engaged by the pups at the end of his prior turn, so had not been able to uppy). And here the differences between Drew’s game against the Chaos Demons and mine became apparent. Matt was able to make both his 9 inch charges, because God hates me or something, and even Overwatching with my Warriors did very little to chip away at them. By the end of his turn I had I think the Kahl and one Beserk remaining on the table so I conceded. It was a combination of overwhelming numbers, a little bit of dice, and the fact that most everything in his army had a 4+ invuln (with a strat) and I couldn’t do much at all to hurt them even when I hit.
Personal Achievements: Again, the bike lived past my first turn. Nothing else in this game brought me honor. My dignity is only marginally salvaged by the fact that the Chaos Demon Combat Patrol box clocks in at 555 points, almost 200 more than the Votann box. At least that’s what I’m telling myself.
Chris Result: 19-55, Loss
Drew
Apparently I was re-enacting Prospero here because once again I was up against the Thousand Sons, this time under the command of Brett. I was a little relieved about this because just before the matches were announced and deduced that of the options at the top of the card this was the one I had the best chance against. Don’t take this as a knock against Brett in any way- in fact, I had never played against him before – but I knew the Sororitas list which was in second place at the time was strong as hell and I knew the top player was someone I absolutely could not beat so of the options available this was the matchup that I didn’t think I would immediately lose.
I’m going First.
This battle alongside the first one taught me two very important lessons which are both also incredibly incorrect. First, I should always be completely aggressive with Scout moves; second, I should apply maximum pressure at all times. This worked out for me on the first turn as I blew away one unit of Tzaangors with my Invictors and one of my Intercessors squads while moving the rest of the Vylka up the table as quickly as possible.
Unfortunately for me, after a brief bit of second turn repositioning I discovered the destruction of the Scarab Occult Terminators last battle was a total and utter fluke. It turns out rerolling a 2+/4++ makes these things harder than Gregbot looking at AdMech feet. Most of this battle for me was a haze of trying to do anything to harm the Terminators and barely managing to chip their paint. This did leave my Reivers free to dash up the other side to butcher the other unit of Tzaangors and then consolidate into the Infernal Master, but they also were as effective as a gallium dildo at the second part.
At some point in the third round I realized what was happening. By throwing my Intercessors units one at a time at the Terminators but leaving a gap behind them I had effectively locked them in place while my stickied objectives continued to rack up points every turn. I had put him in Wolf Jail without meaning to do so and without any of the usual elements of doggy prison.
After my epiphany I shunted my Invictor forward to serve as Warden and he actually managed to survive for a few more rounds although proved to be similarly incapable of doing anything of note to the Terminators. By this time the aggressive advances made by the Intercessors had done their work to earn me a bucket of points including a bonus for controlling the furthest No Man’s Land objective. My incorrect lessons from earlier paid off this time, and I’m sure that this will in no way develop into a dangerous pattern in the future.
Drew Result: 55-36, Victory
DREW: Okay, this wasn’t in the game plan. 3-0 (bay-bee) is a lot better than I expected as we see from checking my predictions above. At some point toward the end of the last battle Chris had wandered over to watch, leaned in to tell me he was pretty sure I was about to take second place in the tourney, and hot damn if he wasn’t right. Later on my kid gave me shit for not taking first but I think this is a pretty good standing for someone who hasn’t really played a proper tournament since Dubya’s first term and silver medal still stands on the podium. Also the guy in first actually goes to tournaments and knows what he’s doing so I never really had a chance of even touching his total – I think he was something ridiculous like 70 points ahead of me and I didn’t even score that many points in a single game.
She did, however, leap up in excitement and gave me a solid high five when I told her how you did. I then went upstairs and cut a two minute long Macho Man style promo to my wife about the whole affair and I’m pretty sure I have to sleep outside from now on. How did you do, anyway?
CHRIS: You know damn well how I did. As predicted 0-3, solidly 16th out of 16 players. I won’t pretend it didn’t sting just a little. I would have liked to do a little better than my expectations but it is what it is. But I didn’t want to go home and smash my models with hammers, so that’s something I guess?
Like your daughter, I am disappointed you didn’t take first place. Not because I expect great things from you (she really should know what family she’s part of by her age) but because that would have put us in the top and bottom slots. Alpha and Omega. I held up my end of the deal. We could have Alphariused this shit!
DREW: Oh my god. I was the Chosen One?
CHRIS: No. Also, neither of us took a prize for Best Painted because somebody showed up with LEDs in their Devilfish on top of being really nicely painted, and fuck that.
Sweet Christ, I hadn’t even noticed the pewpews coming off the rotary cannon there before.
I did buy a box of Hearthguard and agreed to buy another Votann Combat Patrol from Josh on so I can continue my Dorf Saga in Boarding Actions and Kill Team though. Is this a win or a loss? I’ll leave that as an exercise for the reader (it’s a loss, but not as much as going home with a box of Space Wolves).
Next Time: There Is No Next Time, For Real Though
DREW: With that, these two decrepit fossils will return to their torpor, weary and cranky from our efforts which isn’t realistically any different from when we’re not writing this column. This is what Dreadnoughts feel like, isn’t it? Anyway: see you folks in Season Five when/if it ever happens.
CHRIS: The store is doing a Spearhead blind box tournament in January…
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